Dealing With Teenagers - A Comedian's Guide

DEALING WITH TEENAGERS

NEVER STOOP TO THE LEVEL OF YOUR HECKLER

     I’m not sure how a mom nosedives from being the greatest person in the world - who gets hugs, kisses
and reassurances of love all day -  every day to being “lame” “pathetic” and “kinda creepy” - but it happens.  The plummet comes unexpectedly.  Sometimes it starts at such an early age one is totally caught off guard or, at the other extreme, it starts late  - long after you’ve bragged to your friends you don’t have “that” problem with your teenager.

     I can tell you right now raising boys is easier.  For years parents told me, “Wait until your sons become teenagers.  You’re going to have so much comedy material!”  I kept waiting and waiting … nothing …. nothing….  No new jokes about teenagers.  They seemed so rational compared to my own female way of thinking.  They got along well with their friends.  There was no arguing, gossiping, backstabbing or giggling or worrying about who liked whom. (It was then I realized men don’t exchange any personal information.  It’s as if my teenage boys were in the Witness Protection Program!)   

     Life for my two sons, Brendan and Steven, revolved around video games, online computer games, studying, listening to music and sports scores.  If I knew men were so uncomplicated when I was single, I would have had a heck of a lot easier time dating.  I wouldn’t have spent any time trying to figure them out.  They’re very easy to figure out.  What you see is what you get!

     Then came my daughter Christine. 

      She turned 14 and I thought I was home free – no traumas, no crying fits and no crises.  I thought I was on “Easy Street.”  It’s frightening how those emotional teenage years sneak up even though I was warned they were coming.  As middle school turned to high school, drama reared its ugly head.  The volume in the house seemed to increase daily.  One thing is for sure - when a teenage girl suffers, everybody suffers.  Teenage girls make sure of that.

      How could I have been so clueless when things started to change?   Was my daughter transforming the day the word “Mom!” subtly turned into the words “Oh god, Mom!!”  Could I have missed the nuance?  Or maybe it started with a bit of teasing when we were out shopping together.

      “Mom, you’re not really going to buy that, are you?” 

     I looked up at Christine as I sifted through the 50% off dresses and clutched my 20% off Kohl’s coupon in my hand.  “Yes.  Why?”

     Christine shook her head, “I thought you picked it out as a joke.” 

     I placed the dress back on the rack.  Were my choices really that bad?

     Having attended a Woodlands Academy, a Catholic all girls’school for thirteen years (K through 12), I still have no confidence in the way I dress myself.  I don’t find joy in shopping (much to the delight of my husband!)  I walk around department stores aimlessly.  My fantasy is to desperately latch on to a stylishly dressed career woman, fall to my knees and beg, “Won’t you please tell me what looks good?  I don’t have a clue!  Would you adopt me as your own for a day?” 

     My best bet is to wear what I know.  I’d be perfectly happy leaving the house every day wearing a plaid skirt, a white blouse, a navy blue blazer, navy blue knee socks and saddle shoes. It could work.  I always thought I looked pretty decent getting off the school bus.

    “Mom, that dress was lame!” Christine said.  “That’s probably why it’s on the 50%-off rack anyway.  If you go on stage, you want to look good, not creepy.  Find some clothes that don’t look so pathetic.”  Lame, creepy and pathetic – in that order.  I won the trifecta!  I was administered my dose of “This ain’t gonna get any easier” reality while accepting the fact that my adoring little girl was becoming an all-knowing teenager.  From that point on, I was reminded I was oblivious to all that is good and cool in the world.  

    Performing stand-up comedy helps a comedian develop people skills that can be effectively transferred to everyday living.  While raising my teenage daughter, I kept one skill very close to the vest.  “Never stoop to the level of your heckler!”  If a comedian is experiencing a torturous night of being heckled on stage, the best advice for that comedian is to take the high road.  Like a teenager, a heckler is usually out-of-control, irrational and loud.  Words are meant to injure.  If you stoop to the level of your heckler, it can get really ugly.

     I tried summoning the same control at home I use on stage when dealing with a heckler.  I desperately tried to stay above the fray. Some days I was more successful than others, but the consequence of failure was always on my mind. 

    It is so important for moms to set the standard for behavior just as a comedian sets the standard for his or her own show.  Calm interaction with a heckler includes no disrespectful name calling, no cussing, no criticism and no emotional outbursts.  Calm interaction with a teenager includes no disrespectful name calling, no cussing, no criticism and no emotional outbursts.   

     It’s no easy task.  In the words of every teenage daughter, “Good luck with that!”

----

Sally Edwards is a professional clean corporate comedian who performs clean comedy for women at a national level.  See http://ComedyBySally.com

This article is an excerpt from Sally Edwards' new book Go With The Fear available at Amazon.com.



http://humorousspeakersbureau.com Sally Edwards is the president of The Humorous Speakers Bureau marketing corporate comedians and funny keynote motivational speakers.
http://sallyedwards.org - Laugh to Good Health
http://comedybysally.com - Clean Corporate Comedy